vBulletin stats

Afro-Squad Online Men's Magazine

News, Satire, Videos, Humor, Pictures, and More!

Kim Kardashian’s Butt Gets New Zip Code

Posted by admin On June - 22 - 2010

In an effort to minimize impact on their customers, and to accommodate growth, the zip code 33929 will now be assigned to Kim Kardashian’s ass.

The 33929 code will be slowly integrated to minimize confusion and service disruptions for the thousands of customers that use Kardashian’s ass.

Some, however, are not so keen on the new change.

“It is all just so vast and confusing. We need structure,” said one New Yorker.

“You running out of numbers, you running out of tokens, you running out of subways, you running out of jobs,” said another New Yorker. “The only thing we ain’t running out of is Kim’s ass.”

Service providers will begin customer education mid-year to prepare for the new code.

Popularity: 14% [?]

Yeti Gets Extreme Makeover

Posted by admin On June - 14 - 2010

After years of being unshaven and angry, it appears that the Fox network is attempting to do Yeti makeovers.

In January 2010, Fox executives captured a 6’8” 450 pound male Yeti.  After subjecting him to a series of secret videos, and making him stand in a six-sided body mirror, they convinced Yeti that he needed a makeover.

“We offered Yeti a $2,000 spending limit to hit the stores on New York,” said Bill Smith, an executive with the show.  “We gave him a haircut, tattoos, and tried to fit him size 20 Steve Madisons.”

In a big unveiling to his family the Yeti stated, “Uaaaaaaaaaaaaaaggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh!”

Popularity: 7% [?]

Paula Abdul’s Zombie Corpse Back on American Idol

Posted by admin On June - 10 - 2010

Would you expect anything less from the executives at Fox?  We guessed not! 

This afternoon, the producers of American Idol announced that Fox Broadcasting plans on bringing in the zombie corpse of former American Idol judge Paula Abdul to replace Simon Cowell when he leaves the show.  They explained how her recent departure from prime time was only due to a slight bout with death, and that she is “as capable as ever” as a brain dead flesh eating night stalker. 

“We feel this is a big win for the folks at Fox,” said a network executive.  “Despite years of relative incoherant blathering, Paula has always been America’s favorite judge.  I don’t think that America will even notice that she is a drooling flesh-eating zombie.  It is hard to even notice a difference.”

Executives continued to explain that the contestants have nothing to fear from the brain-loving ex-cheerleader.  They stated in a press release late on Thursday that “our contestants don’t even have brains.  Besides, who is better to participate in Fox’s brain numbing programming than Zombie Paula?  No other body will do.”  

Zombie Paula Photo

Popularity: 23% [?]

Gays Continue Probing Top Military Officials.

Posted by admin On June - 8 - 2010

Washington – After the US military announced they would start overturning the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy, many gays are pushing hard for continual probing of top military officials, over allegations of anti-gay sentiment.

“We have been wanting to probe these men for years, but we just couldn’t get in the front door because of all the restrictions,” said Dr. Hanz Meuller, leader of Gay Activates Yearly.  “This is a great opportunity for us to enter through the back door and really get deep into this.  I won’t rest until we are knee deep in there!!!”

After announcing they will begin to change the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy, many in Washington are starting to question what policy will be adopted.  Leading military officials are leaning to a “Don’t Tell, I Already Know” policy, where gays just act in an over manner so they don’t have to tell.  Others are pushing for a “Go Ahead and Tell, But I Feel Awkward While Listening” policy.  Many gays prefer the “You Can Ask, But I Am Not Going To Tell Because My Dad Wouldn’t Approve.  That Is Why He Made Me Join The Military” policy.

Popularity: 7% [?]

Mulletmaster Orgy Blamed for Oil Rig Disaster

Posted by Snow On May - 29 - 2010

“Please come join me in the biggest party the Gulf has ever seen!  We’ll have beer, oil, girls, and methane!”  That’s what a sign read that was posted on the seaside pillar of the Deepwater Horizon oil rig.  Now deep sea divers are uncovering the remnants of 60 tons of steel at the bottom of the ocean.  People are calling it “one bad assed party” gone wrong.   

Officials in Washington DC blame the Mulletmaster (AKA Ron Gamine) for the event that has caused a disaster of biblical proportions.  Gamine, a henchmen of the Man, was last seen fornicating in the “drilling room.”  His last known Twitter post stated, “I wonder what will happen if I push this ’self destruct’ button.”  That was posted just minutes before a fire broke out on the BP leased rig in the Gulf of Mexico.

BP has stated that they regret installing the self destruct button, and should have put it in a less obvious place. 

“We had the button next to the light switch in the cafeteria.  We figured if we marked it “do not push,” then there was enough safeguards in place.     

Popularity: 9% [?]

That Sweet Fu-Kin Fried Rice is Fuc#ing Sweet!

Posted by Snow On May - 23 - 2010

This picture was taken by Maygin in Chicago.  Make sure to send us your sweet Fu-Kin pictures! 

Popularity: 5% [?]

Elephant Man’s Bones Shill to “Grandpa Joe”

Posted by admin On April - 30 - 2010

For so many reasons, Michael Jackson must have been spinning in his million-dollar mausoleum last week.

His kids, Prince and Paris, whom he draped in bee keeper’s hats and masks to keep them out of the public, took center stage and accepted his Lifetime Achievement Award at the 52nd annual Grammy Awards.  Then the Elephant Man’s bones, whom he draped in human skin to keep young and vibrant, took center stage at the Sci Fi Achievement Award Ceremony. 

Yes, they (the bones) were poised and articulate, but they told of years of being hidden from the public.  They also talked of Michael’s very critical and abusive language.

But their remarks were scripted. And when the bones spoke, it was worth examining what he said. The bones, which were escorted by Joe Jackson, thanked Joe for his assistance and management.  Michael would have returned to being black before he would have let his favorite creepy obsession have anything to do with Joe Jackson. Praising him in public? Never.

Popularity: 9% [?]

NEW YORK—In what many are calling the greatest prank in the history of professional sports, an elaborate, far-reaching practical joke to trick Sam Bradford into believing he was an elite quarterback came to a hilarious conclusion this week when Bradford was not selected in the NFL Draft.

NFL commissioner Roger Goodell, who snickered several times during Thursday night’s event, said it was difficult not to burst into laughter as he watched the pathetic Sooners quarterback sitting patiently in his chair, waiting in vain round after round for his name to be called.

“Before I approached the podium to announce the first overall pick, I literally almost lost it,” said Goodell, who over the past three years reportedly spent 30 hours each week planning the massive prank. “Bradford had this big, stupid grin on his unsuspecting face. It was priceless. He had no clue that [Rams general manager] Bill Devaney was totally bullshitting when he called and offered that six-year, $80 million deal.”

“He bought it hook, line, and sinker,” added Goodell, throwing his head back and chuckling. “Hoo boy, when I didn’t call his name, it was just priceless—pure dejection and humiliation. It was just so perfect.”

According to NFL sources, everyone from team scouts to Bradford’s college classmates was in on the massive three-year ruse. Insiders have also praised Oklahoma’s coaching staff and players for their role in the prank, saying that without them inflating Bradford’s confidence and fooling him into thinking he was good enough to be the starting quarterback of a Division I football team, the whole thing never would have worked.

Read More at the Onion

Popularity: 9% [?]

Scott Disick and Kourtney Kardashian, Cheating Again?

Posted by admin On April - 19 - 2010

Is anyone surprised that there are new cheating rumors about Scott Disick, the father of Kourtney Kardashian’s baby (we think) and her on-again, off-again boyfriend? According to In Touch, Scott was caught doing some naughty texting on the side.

Rumors are circulating that Kourtney’s camp set this up to get her some attention and sympathy post-baby, but that’s not necessarily true…. although I feel it’s just as likely as Scott Disick having suspicious goings-on with other ladies behind Kourtney’s back. The guy has cheater-face, and if you ever saw KUWTK, you probably caught his past cheating drama, and the subsequent break-up.

If you’ve been following Kourtney’s drama whirlwind, it was suggested that Scott’s baby was not actually his own, because Kourt had a one-night stand with Michael Girgenti, who said “We didn’t use any protection – she didn’t ask me about it, and I was too caught up in the moment to think about it” when talking about the fling.

We’ll have to wait and see if things unfold any further in the paternity test issue, because Scott’s said to have spoken to In Touch about it in an exclusive interview. It couldn’t have been a very long interview, because it barely made the cover, but it’s most likely a statement reiterating that Mason is indeed his.

Are you surprised that Scott’s rumored to have cheated? (Anyone… anyone?) I’m definitely looking into the baby daddy angle again. It seems like the Kardashians are avoiding this part of the drama, which makes it more suspicious.

http://www.limelife.com/blog-entry/Kourtney-Kardashians-Boyfriend-Cheats-Again/34484.html

Popularity: 56% [?]

Dirty Sanchez Victim – Something Smells Fishy!!!

Posted by admin On April - 1 - 2010

Sexy Afro-Squad fan XO was another victim in the series of dirty sanchezes.  This occurrance happened late in the evening on 24 March 2010.

“I was relaxing at home when it happened,” said the victim.  “All was well, then I realized something was fishy.  As it turned out, it was the finger of this criminal mastermind.”

The Brown Bandit has been linked to a trail of sanchez related activities.  This includes a stinky sanchez, at least eight recorded dirty sanchez occurrences, a filthy sanchez, several donky punches, and at least one ghetto finger!

Please check back regularly as we solve this case!!!

(This is one of a series of Sanchez News Articles on http://afrosquad.wordpress.com.  Check them out!

Popularity: 2% [?]

VIDEO

TAG CLOUD

Sponsors

About Me

We are the Afrosquad

Twitter

    Photos

    Blaxploitation 029Blaxploitation 028Blaxploitation 027Blaxploitation 026Blaxploitation 024Blaxploitation 023Blaxploitation 022Blaxploitation 025Blaxploitation 021Blaxploitation 018Blaxploitation 019Blaxploitation 016