Afro-Squad Online Men's Magazine

In an effort to minimize impact on their customers, and to accommodate growth, the zip code 33929 will now be assigned to Kim Kardashian’s ass.

The 33929 code will be slowly integrated to minimize confusion and service disruptions for the thousands of customers that use Kardashian’s ass.

Some, however, are not so keen on the new change.

“It is all just so vast and confusing. We need structure,” said one New Yorker.

“You running out of numbers, you running out of tokens, you running out of subways, you running out of jobs,” said another New Yorker. “The only thing we ain’t running out of is Kim’s ass.”

Service providers will begin customer education mid-year to prepare for the new code.

Popularity: 14% [?]

So I was reading the SkyMall magazine the other day.  You know, that little mag that is in your seat on any domestic flight.  I always laugh at the bullshit products that they sell, but this is my new favorite of all time.

Take a look at the “logo.”  They clearly tried to steal the Nike Swoosh, but they redesigned it a bit.  Unfortunately, nobody at quality control realized that their rip-off logo looks a lot like a single sperm.  Yes sir, this is the shoe you want… if you want to show the world that you have sperm on your feet.

The various color sperm also leaves a lot of room for jokes, but my favorite part is the possibilities for various slogans!  Nike has “Just do it.”  These shoes’ slogan should be “Just did it.”  They could also play up the fact that you will be “coming quicker than ever” in these fast new shoes.

I’d finally like to point out the little picture of the business man with rocket flames coming out of his feet.  Of course, all business men wear cum covered flaming rocket sneakers.

Popularity: 7% [?]

After years of being unshaven and angry, it appears that the Fox network is attempting to do Yeti makeovers.

In January 2010, Fox executives captured a 6’8” 450 pound male Yeti.  After subjecting him to a series of secret videos, and making him stand in a six-sided body mirror, they convinced Yeti that he needed a makeover.

“We offered Yeti a $2,000 spending limit to hit the stores on New York,” said Bill Smith, an executive with the show.  “We gave him a haircut, tattoos, and tried to fit him size 20 Steve Madisons.”

In a big unveiling to his family the Yeti stated, “Uaaaaaaaaaaaaaaggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh!”

Popularity: 7% [?]

“Slow the fuck down!  This is a school zone.”

I took this picture in Orlando, FL.  I would like to file it under, “funny crap that teenagers do.”

Popularity: 4% [?]

Washington – After the US military announced they would start overturning the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy, many gays are pushing hard for continual probing of top military officials, over allegations of anti-gay sentiment.

“We have been wanting to probe these men for years, but we just couldn’t get in the front door because of all the restrictions,” said Dr. Hanz Meuller, leader of Gay Activates Yearly.  “This is a great opportunity for us to enter through the back door and really get deep into this.  I won’t rest until we are knee deep in there!!!”

After announcing they will begin to change the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy, many in Washington are starting to question what policy will be adopted.  Leading military officials are leaning to a “Don’t Tell, I Already Know” policy, where gays just act in an over manner so they don’t have to tell.  Others are pushing for a “Go Ahead and Tell, But I Feel Awkward While Listening” policy.  Many gays prefer the “You Can Ask, But I Am Not Going To Tell Because My Dad Wouldn’t Approve.  That Is Why He Made Me Join The Military” policy.

Popularity: 7% [?]

A draft contract containing details about Sarah Palin’s speaking fee and requirements was obtained by California State University, Stanislaus, students who claim they found the document in a Dumpster. Here are some of her demands: 

• Hotel room must have a “moose couture” styling to it
• Most recent copy of all newspapers
• Children’s caretaker must be of Korean ethnicity or higher
• 50-gallon aquarium containing a minimum of eight piranhas that haven’t been fed in a week and a bucket of ducks
• If the name of the speaking venue exceeds four syllables, then it must be temporarily changed to “Thompson Hall”
• Book of word searches and package of string cheese for Todd
• Extra red clothing just in case something happens to her other red clothing
• Audio engineer must ensure speakers are capturing full cuntiness of voice
• Dressing-room lighting fixtures must be equipped with non-efficient bulbs
• Palin must have “five (5) black pillar candles of 13″ in length and 3″ in circumference, one (1) stone altar of Baphomet, one (1) obsidian dagger, and one (1) baby delivered to her dressing area no less than two hours prior to her speech”

Source:  The Onion.

Popularity: 7% [?]

We sadly report that the Man got another victory over the Afro-Squad by causing the Gulf Oil Spill. 

“We’ve been hunting the Man for years, but I got distracted by some fine phat bootie.  By the time I was finished waxing it, the Man lit that rig on fire,” said Afro-Squad hero SnowMan Jones.  “I take full responsibility, and the Afro-Squad will work overtime on cleanup.”

NPR reports that the Afro-Squad are using their human hair afro-mops to clean up the spill.  They are currently looking for 70s ladies willing to donate their fur patches to help with the cleanup. 

Popularity: 7% [?]

“Please come join me in the biggest party the Gulf has ever seen!  We’ll have beer, oil, girls, and methane!”  That’s what a sign read that was posted on the seaside pillar of the Deepwater Horizon oil rig.  Now deep sea divers are uncovering the remnants of 60 tons of steel at the bottom of the ocean.  People are calling it “one bad assed party” gone wrong.   

Officials in Washington DC blame the Mulletmaster (AKA Ron Gamine) for the event that has caused a disaster of biblical proportions.  Gamine, a henchmen of the Man, was last seen fornicating in the “drilling room.”  His last known Twitter post stated, “I wonder what will happen if I push this ’self destruct’ button.”  That was posted just minutes before a fire broke out on the BP leased rig in the Gulf of Mexico.

BP has stated that they regret installing the self destruct button, and should have put it in a less obvious place. 

“We had the button next to the light switch in the cafeteria.  We figured if we marked it “do not push,” then there was enough safeguards in place.     

Popularity: 9% [?]

I was driving in Zephyrhills, FL when I saw the Tire Kingdom gorilla.  I think he is supposed to have big thumbs, but it really looks like he has a big gorilla unit from this angle.

The girl in the car with me decided to pretend to hump him, but I just took this picture.  Maybe if this pic gets enough comments I’ll add the humping photos. 

Popularity: 7% [?]

This picture was taken by Maygin in Chicago.  Make sure to send us your sweet Fu-Kin pictures! 

Popularity: 5% [?]