Afro-Squad Online Men's Magazine

Would you expect anything less from the executives at Fox?  We guessed not! 

This afternoon, the producers of American Idol announced that Fox Broadcasting plans on bringing in the zombie corpse of former American Idol judge Paula Abdul to replace Simon Cowell when he leaves the show.  They explained how her recent departure from prime time was only due to a slight bout with death, and that she is “as capable as ever” as a brain dead flesh eating night stalker. 

“We feel this is a big win for the folks at Fox,” said a network executive.  “Despite years of relative incoherant blathering, Paula has always been America’s favorite judge.  I don’t think that America will even notice that she is a drooling flesh-eating zombie.  It is hard to even notice a difference.”

Executives continued to explain that the contestants have nothing to fear from the brain-loving ex-cheerleader.  They stated in a press release late on Thursday that “our contestants don’t even have brains.  Besides, who is better to participate in Fox’s brain numbing programming than Zombie Paula?  No other body will do.”  

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The OCA — a group “dedicated to advancing the social, political and economic well-being of Asian Pacific Americans” — is fuming at this photo of Miley and pals for using what they have deemed an offensive, stereotypical gesture.

The OCA sent us this statement: “The photograph of Miley Cyrus and other individuals slanting their eyes currently circulating the Internet is offensive to the Asian Pacific American community and sets a terrible example for her many young fans. This image falls within a long and unfortunate history of people mocking and denigrating individuals of Asian descent.’

“For those of you who I offended, I apologize.  I really didn’t mean to upset any of the tiny yellow people of the world,” said Miley Cyrus. “The inclusion of my Ching Ching friends in the photo does not make it acceptable.”

“I hope that OCA understands that we Southerners have no history of racism, so this is an isolated incident.  I eat Panda Express all the time, so I am obviously not racist against all you Orientals!”

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New York Senator Eric T. Schnederman’s secretary probably summed it up best. Her boss, a well known representative from New York, “is a warm person who is not good at assessing sensitivities of his audience.”

In other words, if Schnederman had kept his hands to himself, people wouldn’t be so pissed. Instead, the Republican candidate for Lieutenant Governor of Illinois Matt Murphy (who was a former dorm mate of Schneiderman) has demanded Eric be removed from his duties for the duration of his tenure. Matt claims that Eric had no right to “do the nasty on his pillow!”

There is no question that Schnederman’s conduct was out of bounds. Two females claimed that, on various occasions, Schnederman liked to “jack with Murphy.” He also had stained up his bed sheets, as well as others.

“I come in to the office from a long day of politicking, and Matt does this?” said Matt.  “I am so going to give him the atomic sit up tomorrow!”

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Mo’Nique won a Golden Globe for best supporting actress for her dramatic role as an abusive mum in the movie Precious: Based on the novel ‘Push’, by Sapphire.

She was photographed lifting up her skirt and showing off her hairy legs as she made her way to the ceremony at the Beverly Hilton Hotel.

The image has been circulated by gossip websites, with many commentators saying the 42-year-old’s display was inappropriate.

The Afro-Squad News Syndicate was the first to break display this picture. Apparently she has a black carpet, so we are not sure why they are calling it a red carpet display.

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