ATLANTA – Ted Jamazas, a mall security guard working on the East Side of Atlanta, is suing the Under Armour company after his tight “protective” clothing proved useless in a gunfight.
“When I heard the Hot Topic was being robbed, I thought I would go and check it out,” said Officer Jamazas. “I quickly realized that the robber was using a pellet gun. Since I had my bullet proof Under Armour under garments, I thought I would be impervious to attack.”
Ted was wrong. He yelled, “go ahead and shoot me! I am impervious to your attacks!” Then the teen vandal capped him and left a nasty abrasion under Ted’s right nipple.
“What the hell man? I could have been killed! That pellet went right through the so called Armour! Isn’t this supposed to be unstoppable?” said Officer Jamazas.
Under Armour representatives were unavailable for comment. There is still no work if they plan a recall of all of their athletic gear. The teen suspect is still at large. He was last seen wearing black pants, black mascara, a trench coat, and he was quoted as being a “whiney little emo bitch.” If you have seen the suspect, please contact the Afrosquad News Universe Syndicate.
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