Still Angry – Ed Anger from the Weekly World News
by admin on Mar.13, 2010, under A.N.U. Syndicate (ANUS) Satire, Political
We would like you to get to know the Weekly World News’ Ed Anger. Here is one of his articles.
Every year, all the right wing big shots get together in Washington, D.C. at that CPAC thing. And they never ever invite me to their shindig!
That’s no way to treat one of the pioneers of this whole movement, let alone a decorated veteran of Pork Chop Hill like yours truly!
Dammit, I was ranting against big government and commies and fluoride in the water when William F. Buckley was still on training skis.
But do they ever ask me to come to their big party and give a fancy speech, like they do Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck? NEVER!
If it wasn’t for me, none of those young whippersnappers would have their million dollar contracts and private jets and their faces on the cover of LIFE magazine!
I can’t be completely ticked off, though, because there was some good news this week: that “global warming” scam is falling apart faster than a Prius in the fast lane!
All those egghead scientists are quitting their jobs and admitting they made stuff up and the dog ate their homework and saying they want to kill themselves!
Here’s what we need to do: let’s get the Supreme Court to overturn the 2000 election, let Al Gore be President after all – then impeach him for his “global warming” crap that’s made us waste trillions of dollars!
I dare those Bilderburger Beltway boys in their hundred dollar suits at the big rightwing shindig to put THAT on the agenda! But no! They’re too busy drinking their highballs and chomping their cigars to do something REALLY radical!
That’s ok. Your old pal Ed Anger will still be fighting to save these great United States – all alone if I have to!
Funny Foto Friday – Jackie Gleason
by admin on Mar.12, 2010, under A.N.U. Syndicate (ANUS) Satire, Photoshop
Domestic Abuse – It is Funny!!!
New Study Finds “White Men Can Jump” (Satire)
by admin on Mar.11, 2010, under A.N.U. Syndicate (ANUS) Satire
Despite common misconception, a recent survey has indicated that caucasian men, ages 15 to 39, actually have the ability to leap from the ground.
A survey of 50,000 men, funded by the White House Initiative To Educate Youth (AKA WHITEY), determined that 98 percent of caucasian males can break free of gravity for limited amounts of time. The WHITEY survey determined an average vertical leap of 9 inches from a standing position.
“WHITEY is proud of our findings,” said a WHITEY representative named Dick Pinks. “We intend to educate our populace on other ethnic misconceptions in the future. Our ‘can white men dance’ research has already received a lot of funding from the Obama administration, so we can’t wait to get started.”
A reported 10,000 Bee Gees records have been purchased to assist with that future study.
Kid Gets Detention For Being Awesome
by admin on Mar.10, 2010, under A.N.U. Syndicate (ANUS) Satire
Dalton, please call us. We need more writers. Thank you for your awesomeness.
Geno Auriemma pads win total against another women’s team
by admin on Mar.10, 2010, under A.N.U. Syndicate (ANUS) Satire, Wrestling and Sports
Geno Auriemma’s UConn Huskies won their 71st game in a row Monday night, establishing a new NCAA record. But the fact that the victory came against a women’s team did little to silence the program’s many critics. “I’m not sure what more we can do,” said Auriemma. “We can only play the teams that are on our schedule.” But a close examination of the 71-game streak shows that every one of UConn’s opponents has been a women’s team. In fact, Auriemma hasn’t defeated a men’s team — of any caliber — in his entire career coaching career. “Hey, congrats to Geno,” said UConn men’s head coach Jim Calhoun. “But all 14 of the losses my team has had this year we can be proud of. At least we are challenging ourselves.”
Source – SportsPickle.com
Papa Smurf Charged with Abandonment
by admin on Mar.09, 2010, under A.N.U. Syndicate (ANUS) Satire
SMURF VILLIAGE, (UPI) — A phony little blue man and pseudo wizard is one of the biggest deadbeat dads in the forest, The Brainy News reported Monday.
Papa Smurf, 63, a former mental patient who legally changed his name to Prince Big Daddy Pimpy Smurf von Habsburg Lothringen and calls himself the King of Smurf Village, is wanted by family court authorities in Smurf County, SM., for the non-payment of more than $500,000 to his abandoned family.
The News said Meyers left his family in late 2003, as his wife was in the hospital giving birth to their 800th son, Jokey. His arrest record includes Smurf trafficking and check Smurfing charges, but also years of work as a Gargamel informant who was instrumental in delivering several big potions.
“I hate Papa Smurf,” said son Grouchy Smurf, whom the News said has pursued the “Papa” to no effect. “He’s got like a thousand kids. He sits there making deals with Gargamel, while we live in Mushrooms. Yeah, we live in fucking mushrooms. What kind of Dad lets his kids live in mushrooms? FUCKING MUSHROOMS!!!”
Something New from the ANU Syndicate (ANUS) Every Single Day
by admin on Mar.08, 2010, under A.N.U. Syndicate (ANUS) Satire, Other
We want to be the first thing on your mind in the morning, that’s why we offer you at least one new article every single day.
“The first thing I think of in the morning is what is coming out of the ANUS,” said Herman Meltonstein, an elderly reader. “I want to sit down and see a big pile of celebrity gossip, and when I think of big piles of steamy gossip, I think of this website.”
We find pleasure in having something new come out of the ANUS every morning. In fact, we are up all night churning new material, just so you can squat down with a hot cup of coffee and enjoy our work. If you find just one nugget of pleasure, we feel we have done our job.
Windows Not a Virus
by admin on Mar.07, 2010, under A.N.U. Syndicate (ANUS) Satire
Cupertino, Cal. (SatireWire.com) — Symantec issued an apology to Microsoft yesterday after the security software maker’s AntiVirus Research Center issued an alert for a “widespread and lethal virus known to cause system crashes and data loss” that turned out to be the Windows 2000 operating system. Symantec CEO John Thompson called it a “regrettable but understandable” mistake
More Satire at www.satirewire.com.
BFE, Egypt Changes Name to New Cairo
by admin on Mar.06, 2010, under A.N.U. Syndicate (ANUS) Satire
Feb 10, 2010 (BFE-Tribune Information Services via COMTEX)
The city of Bum Fucking, Egypt will now be known as the New Cairo, Egypt.
City council members approved a request Monday to change the name of the city, as an attempt to encourage a positive image for the area.
“We get a lot of visitors in BFE, but they never seem happy to be here. People are always like, ‘I got stuck in BFE when I made a wrong turn,’ “ said councilman Habib Muhammad. “We think this change will help the overall image. We also think people wouldn’t mind being lost in New Cairo. Getting stuck in BFE just doesn’t sound appealing.”
Cowell: ‘Chile Earthquake Not Bad Enough to Merit Charity Single’
by admin on Mar.05, 2010, under A.N.U. Syndicate (ANUS) Satire
Pop mogul and X-factor judge Simon Cowell has announced that the devastation caused by last week’s earthquake in Chile has not yet proved horrible enough to justify the release of another banal and sentimental charity single.
Speaking after the latest auditions for Britain’s Got Talent, the multi-millionaire said that there has been no approach this time from Prime Minister Gordon Brown, who had previously asked Cowell to record a single highlighting the struggle in Haiti.
“We won’t be doing another single this time,” said the 50-year-old. “I don’t think that the British public would go for it, and more people have to die before we can get the likes of Robbie and Mariah to show any interest”.
“Maybe if the death toll rises to 100,000 we’ll consider it, but at the moment it doesn’t look likely,” he continued.
Other stars are said to be “apathetic” to performing another charity hit so soon after the hastily produced Haiti sessions, with singing sensation Susan Boyle taking time off for exhaustion.
However, in a desperate last attempt to raise awareness of her withering singing career, X-factor judge Danni Minogue insisted that she and fellow judge Louie Walsh are working on a non-specific earthquake-related song that would go on re-release every time a nation is ravaged by mother nature.
Laurence M. Brown
